Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
