i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
