i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
