just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
