im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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