I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
