I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
