with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
