Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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