i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
