Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Drunk is not a location!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
