I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
