my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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