I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
