FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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