Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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