So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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