from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
