It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
