I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
