You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
