i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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