It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
