she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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