why didn't you poke me back
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
