apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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