Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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