apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
