So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
