Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
