I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
