WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
