I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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