I'm going to jail i love you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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