I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
