Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
