You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
As shirtless as possible
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
