you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
