Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
