Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm sobbing to NWA
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