Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
