11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
