margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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