If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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