I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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