I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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