talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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