tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
