did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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