Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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