i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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